I spent 22 years (11 of them married) with a man I believed was my soulmate. Sadly, after seven sex-free years, I realised I’d rather live without a man than experience the agony of life with an inattentive partner. The divorce was painful. I moved away from everything I’d known and, for the first time in 40 years, I was truly alone.
Over the next five years I allowed myself to heal and only had two short-lived relationships with men slightly older than myself, which helped me to decide what I really wanted from life. I didn’t want second best.
Then, one weekend I was invited to a family getaway. I wasn’t keen to go, but changed my mind at the last minute. I arrived at the resort and, after settling in, was introduced to the waterskiing coach.
Derek* was a gorgeous, confident young man and I was immediately intrigued. I was 45 at the time and around the campfire later that evening I would discover that he was just 26 years old. Still, as we talked and laughed, the age gap disappeared and when I reluctantly went to bed I realised I wanted more of him – even if it was just to hear his voice.
Derek spent most of the next day with us as we skied and relaxed in the sunshine and I became more aware of my attraction to him. I didn’t realise I’d given him any indication of how I felt until he gently touched my hair from behind. Then, during dinner, he walked past our table and gave me a long, lingering look, which felt like lightning shooting through my body. I smiled back as though it was the most natural thing in the world, but inside, parts of my body that I thought were dead had been brought back to life.
After dinner, he joined our group as we sat under the stars and spoke about life and his passions. The saying goes: “Seduce my body and I will share it with you, seduce my mind and I’ll be yours forever.” This was one of those rare moments.
When my family went to bed, we were alone for the first time and I could feel my heart beating in my throat. What am I doing? I thought as Derek pointed out the constellations en route to a more remote part of the resort.
He stopped to show me the view towards the river and I wanted to draw him to me and kiss him. Then he asked me to walk with him to his cabin. I hesitated, but in that split second I realised that what I wanted was to live in the moment with no fear.
He put on a CD and sat down next to me on the couch, putting his arm around my shoulders. As I turned, I began to move my hands over his body – neck, chest, arms. I took off his shirt and felt his skin under my fingers; his body quivered. He pulled me closer and kissed me passionately – it was a highly erotic moment.
I like to be dominant during sex, but I was in for a surprise. Derek undressed me gently and lay me down on the bed. I pulled him closer and tried to turn him around so that I could be on top. “Oh no,” he whispered in my ear as he restrained me with a gentleness I have never experienced. “Do whatever you want to me,” I said. And I meant it.
The next three hours are indelibly imprinted in my memory. Derek twisted and turned me into sexual positions I’d only ever fantasised about: he used his fingers, mouth and not-insubstantial penis simultaneously to satisfy every inch of my body. I remember thinking: Is this really happening to me?
For the first time in my life I had no sexual inhibitions, no concerns about my body – all I knew was that I wanted to use all of me to satisfy him, even if just for one night. The more he explored my body, the more I wanted him. His stamina was insatiable and I climaxed again and again. At one point Derek turned me on my back, stood on the bed over me and pulled my legs up over his shoulders. I was standing on my head and he made me come for the third time… Afterwards, lying in each other’s arms, I cried. I had no words to explain why – the tears just came.
I am now 46, Derek is 28 and we are still together. We both feel free to explore our fantasies and desires, using sex toys, erotic lingerie and crazy but satisfying positions – once even on a rowing boat! Derek allows me to be who I am, without any judgement, and treats me with the greatest respect, which is what all women truly deserve.
WOMENHEALTH
