The fact that many Nigerian men are crazy about virginity is no news. There are men who will walk down the aisle today once a girl is a virgin, but there are also a few men who would avoid getting entangled with virgins.
What is it exactly about virginity that makes it the major reason to consider a woman a wife material?
Let’s not mix up things, virginity is a virtue, it is a good thing to uphold, to be proud of if you are still one, but aside her virginity what else? It takes just a few minutes or even seconds to break a woman’s hymen?
After you have disvirgined her, what next? You are happy and proud that you deflowered her. You are officially the first man to usher her into womanhood.
Beyond her virginity that you wanted so badly and have taken, who is she exactly? Does she have a personality that fits into your life? Is she someone you can sit and have a decent conversation with and even seek her wise counsel?
How much does she understand you even when you don’t say a word? Does she love and respect you? Does she give you space to be with friends and stop being too clingy etc?
Some men believe that marrying a virgin will prevent her from being promiscuous, unfortunately, this is not so true. Some men also believe that being a virgin guarantees a happy home but that is not true also.
If you are married to a foolish virgin, virginity is the last thing that can keep your marriage. If your virgin wife is ill-mannered, jealous, obsessive and disrespectful to you, that you married her a virgin is no guarantee that you both will have a lasting marriage. Virginity won’t keep you two together forever.
Instead of letting virginity crowd your sense of judgment of a wife material, men should focus more on important things instead of running after virginity.
If your woman treats you well when people are not watching, she reacts well when things don’t go as planned, she cares for you when you are sick, broke or even at your lowest, she understands, forgives and stand by you through the good and bad times, holds down a conversation, marry her.
If she gives you a warm welcome with a smile that relaxes you after a long and hard day, if her company boosts your morale, if she’s loyal and supports you in your failures and successes and she’s there especially when things are tough, that’s a wife material that should tower above all.
Picking the right wife is of utmost importance because marriage is a life-long commitment and it requires a well thought out plan.
Getting married without a plan because you want a virgin or you believe that a virgin has life figured out because her hymen is intact is one of the most terrible mistakes to make as a man when it comes to marriage.
There are women with no personality outside their virginity. That a woman married as a virgin does not mean she will make a good wife. Using virginity to determine a woman as a marriage material is one of the worst ways of deceiving yourself today.
The parable of the 10 virgins says it all, while 5 of them were called wise because they came fully prepared with extra oil waiting for the bride grooms, the other 5 virgins were called foolish because they came unprepared for the journey ahead with no extra oil.
While all of them are virgins, some had personality, they knew who they were and what they wanted out of life, others where just waiting for the bridegroom to take their virginity. after that, they have nothing else to offer.
Marriage is not an easy relationship to maintain. Countless marriages are ending up in divorce and it is best to know what makes a successful marriage.
A good wife is kind, pleasant, caring, affectionate, friendly, positive, warm, understanding, reliable, responsible, confident, loyal and supportive, she’s like the soul of her home. She’s the glue that holds everyone together. She understands and accepts that her husband has friends, and he needs to spend some time with them.
A good wife is her husband’s best friend and confidant. She knows which fight is necessary and fights smart. She listens, communicates, respects and makes him happy.
A good wife is interested in her husband’s interests and progress, she shows appreciation, doesn’t get disappointed if he doesn’t want to make love every night or kiss her as much as he used to when they just got newly married, she expresses her love, and flows easily with changes.
A good wife cannot be determined by virginity. Most times, men ignore good women because they have a past, even though they are women they feel at home with.
She makes him happy, she’s in all ramifications good, but her only crime is that another man or other men had the opportunity to mount her first.
Above virginity is your peace of mind, don’t let a good woman go because you are in search of a virgin. She won’t be a virgin forever, after the hymen is torn, what else?
Credit: Amaka Nicholas, The Sun