She claims ‘life is more beautfiul now’
The 20-year-old woman who ripped her eyes out while she was high on meth has been pictured smiling a month after she blinded herself in the horror ordeal.
Kaylee Muthart gouged out her eyes with her own bare hands outside of a church in Anderson, South Carolina on February 6 in what she believed was a necessary sacrifice to God.
She was left completely blind by the meth-induced psychotic trip.
A month on from the shocking incident, a now drug-free Muthart is having to learn to adapt to life without her sight.
‘It’s the same life, but I’m just learning everything in a new way,’ she told People.
‘Life’s more beautiful now, life’s more beautiful than it was being on drugs. It is a horrible world to live in.’
Following an extended stay in hospital and a psychiatric facility, Muthart returned home on March 1.
‘I’ll forget I’m blind sometimes because I know what’s around me. Not down to a tee, but I know what my mom’s house looks like,’ she said of learning to adapt to her new sensory abilities.
‘You still see but you don’t see with your eyes, it’s hard to explain because I don’t even understand it myself.
‘I’m able to be Kaylee again. I’d rather be blind and be myself than be Kaylee on drugs, and I truly mean that with my heart. I’m Kaylee Jean Muthart, just like I was 10 years ago. Just better.’
Despite being high on meth at the time, Muthart can describe in graphic detail the moment she ripped out her eyes.
She said the drug trip led her into a state of delirium, which warped her perception of religion.
Muthart said she thought the dead were stuck in their graves and required a sacrifice from her – her eyes – in order to release them to God.
‘I thought everyone who had died was stuck in their graves, that God was up in Heaven alone, and that I had to sacrifice something important to be able to release everyone in the world to God,’ she said.
It made the world darker and took everything I believed in and distorted them to make me go down the path to pulling out my eyes.
‘It was scary, I didn’t understand what God wanted of me, but it made me feel a sense of righteousness that I had to be the one to do it. And I was glad to do it because I’ve always had a big heart and nobody’s ever giving me that love back.
Muthart said she felt like she was running out of time to ‘save the world’ and was madly searching for an acquaintance. Feeling short on time, she twisted out her eyes for the sacrifice.
‘I proceeded to pull out my eyes with my bare hands and twisted them, and pulled them, and popped them. I told the pastor who showed up, ‘Pray for me, I want to see the light, pray for me.’
Muthart, pictured before the incident, had been due to enter a rehab facility for past drug use just days before the horror incident occurred
Muthart was found ripping out her eyes by a passerby who had desperately tried to stop the young woman from self-harming.
It took a team of deputies to hold her down before she was taken to the trauma unit at Greenville Memorial Hospital.
Doctors then informed her mother Katy Tompkins that Muthart had blinded herself.
The horror incident occurred just days before Muthart was due to attend a rehabilitation facility for her meth addiction.
‘That was a struggle. I can’t even explain that feeling when I found out. It was horrifying. Complete terror,’ Tompkins said.
‘It’s a horrible thing, but I’m still thankful because God spared her life.’
The incident last month was not the first time Muthart had used meth. She said she started about six months prior.
Months before the February break-down took place, Muthart said she was given marijuana – laced with either cocaine or meth – by coworkers.
She recalled feeling a high that she never experienced before. After doing online research on her symptoms she realized it must have been laced. She then left her job and the co-workers.
A month later she found another job where a co-worker there pressured her to try meth and she eventually agreed.
The drug caused her to stay awake for three days. She took a video recording of her behavior on it.
‘I took a video while I was on it, and I had been up three days straight. I eventually got taken home and got sober and watched the videos, and put that person out of my life and stopped using the drug,’ she said.
She admitted that after using meth she returned to it because she felt isolated and lonely.
Muthart was due to enter a rehab center in the days before the eye-gouging meth incident occurred.
Reflecting upon the incident she said: ‘When I do something, I go big or go home… obviously. Humor is something that gets me by, laughing, music, that day itself.’
She said music has been a major part of her recovery. Muthart plays guitar and is still able to learn new songs despite losing her sight.
Muthart is expected to return to rehab for four weeks.
In the mean time she has emptied her life of drugs and is devoting her time to service, working as a public speaker for the Commission for the Blind.
Muthart’s mother has also set up a GoFundMe page to help raise money for a service dog. The page has already raised $27,000 of her $50,000 goal.